From Heartache to Healing: How I Found Peace and Purpose in My Singleness

Source: Sade Solomon / Sade Solomon

If you had told me in 2013, when I eagerly got saved and decided to be abstinent, that I would still be single 10-11 years later, I wouldn’t have believed you. Perhaps last year, if you had asked me how I felt about this, I might have blurted out, “I wish I never made the vow.” My journey of singleness, with its hills and valleys, has a unique beauty that I’ve come to appreciate.

It isn’t easy to divorce my abstinence journey from my singleness because they go hand in hand. I’ve witnessed the beauty and benefits of obedience and intentional singleness. I’ve also experienced God’s healing from trauma, rejection, abandonment, and disappointment.

I never intended to share my journey of abstinence publicly, but I remember the day God made it humorously clear that it was what He wanted me to do. I recall hearing a still, small voice say, “Share your journey online,” to which I stubbornly responded, “I don’t want to; I need Jesus Himself to come down from heaven, sit on my bed, and tell me to share it.” While the experience wasn’t quite that supernatural, within a few hours of that dialogue with God, an old friend called me and said, “I feel led to tell you, I think you should share your story of celibacy online.” I couldn’t believe what I heard—God was serious about my story.

My first entry into the public eye, sharing my journey of singleness online, was through my blog, “Why I Said No to Sex and Yes to God.” In it, I recounted when God woke me from a dream where I had decided to follow Christ. After waking, God led me to read Deuteronomy 28, which outlines the blessings of obedience and the curses of disobedience. Then, God spoke clearly to me: if I wanted anything from Him, I needed to be obedient to His word. God gave me a glimpse of His incredible blessings in store for me, though the vision wasn’t entirely clear. I had to ask myself if I was going to let sex—my flesh—stand in the way of God’s blessings. The answer was no. That day, I decided to say no to sex and yes to God.

My passion for helping single people—especially single women—see God’s love for them and understand their identity and purpose beyond their relationship status was instrumental in birthing my book “Ready, Set, Wait: The Unadulterated Truth About Navigating Sex, Singleness, and Abstinence as a Christian Woman.” In it, I peel back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a Christian woman. I use the “Ready, Set, Wait” pages to chronicle my journey of singleness, encourage women to make the best use of their single years, and empower them to believe what God says about them, igniting a sense of empowerment and self-discovery.

Many married folks say, “When I stopped looking, I found love.” I’ll say, “In my search, I found God and myself.” I’ve discovered my purpose beyond just being a wife. I’ve traveled the world, gained hobbies, built beautiful friendships and communities, shed much hardness caused by trauma, started businesses, launched new ideas—the list goes on.

Your life doesn’t stop because you’re single—this is the perfect time to take advantage of singleness’s freedom. While my desire to be married and cuddled with someone hasn’t disappeared, I’ve genuinely learned contentment. Being content with my current relationship status wasn’t something I could force, even with my best efforts; I believe contentment was birthed through the long-suffering and patience I gained in other areas of my life. I realized that if I wanted God’s best, I had no control over it; my job was surrendering to God. I’ve tried every scheme, tactic, and plan to “find love,” and it left me at God’s feet, heartbroken and bitter. I’m basking in the peace God has given me, with the faith that He has what I desire in His plans for my life; I’m no longer striving to find love.

I understand exactly how you feel for the single who may be hopeless and single. Take it from me: in time and with the pursuit of the love of God, you can find contentment. I’m often reminded of the Bible account of the woman at the well—a story overused in women’s ministries but still holds so much power and truth. The only thing that can truly satisfy our longing is God. God can fulfill single people’s desire for intimacy as they “drink from the well,” glean from God, stay in His presence, and believe His truths.

I see you for the single reading this and craving more. You may feel hopeless, weary in the wait, or bitter about rejection or failed relationships. I understand and encourage you to attend the Not Another Singles Conference I founded. Not Another Singles Conference 2024 (NASC24) isn’t just another event; it’s a safe space where you can be honest about your journey—no filters, no pretense—and find the tools you need to heal, grow, and be strengthened.

Not Another Singles Conference 2024 (NASC24) is more than just an event; it’s a transformative experience that promises to bring hope, healing, and empowerment.

We know that singleness isn’t just a phase; it’s an enriching journey, and we’re here to walk alongside you. Over two powerful days, you’ll connect with dynamic speakers who genuinely understand where you’re coming from, dive into workshops that hit right at the heart of what you need, and build relationships with a community that values authenticity and empowerment.

Our mission is to help you lay the foundation for wholeness and wellness —whether working through past wounds, navigating the complexities of dating today, or looking to deepen your faith. We’ve got workshops like “Overcoming Sexual Trauma” that aren’t afraid to tackle the tough stuff and sessions on “Dating in a Hyperconnected World” that will give you practical insights into this modern landscape.

I’ve navigated various emotions over these past several years of being single: hope, hopelessness, despair, bitterness, joy, faith, and faithlessness. I have found that the common theme is that God loves me, sees me, and I am not forgotten. Let those words and this article inspire you the same:

God loves you, God sees you, and He has not forgotten you or His promises to you.

Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.

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